Today I feel at one. I can feel how my life has changed direction and what would once have frightened me now enlightens me.
I feel as if I am living my life’s purpose and I am doing what I have always meant to be doing. I feel no resistance to change but to embrace it and sit on the edge dangling my feet and humming alone like a small child again.
I am excited about the possibilities, for the door opening and my mind feeling free for the first time ever.
I feel euphoric at the thought of who and where I am serving, what I am doing in my life and I want to burst with happiness and joy.
I feel as though this mission was given to me, as though someone or something bigger than me, bigger than us has placed something special in my hands and directed me to go and make a difference in this world.
This is far bigger than me, and it is not about me. It is about the women in my life, the people, my daughter, my family. The women I serve and the emotions I allow them to feel and to flourish within.
The possibilities really are endless and there is no longer a cap on my head. I am no longer holding myself back, I feel as though this door has been opened and I am the dove flying out twirling and whirling.
I was talking to a friend a few days earlier who mentioned to me that she feels anxious a lot, and she wishes she was as confident as me.
I had to stop her and explain something’
Since having my daughter I turned into a nervous wreck. I feel anxious daily, I feel scared and have fear. I have thoughts in my mind that tell me I am stupid or cannot do something. I have even darker thoughts that I cannot even come to say out loud that my doctor describes as ‘OCD’. I have chosen not to believe this and to continue on my path of eliminating them all together.
I understand that these feelings and thoughts are silly, that they do not serve me in any way shape or form. However, this does not stop them from coming. But it does give me the control of whether they take over or not. And you know, I am sure you have guessed by now that they never drive the ship. They have no say in what direction I take.
I don’t even feel they are me, they are like an imposter that has decided to come along for the journey. For the hell of causing havoc in my wonderful, beautiful, flowery garden of a mind. And yes, I understand and acknowledge they are there, but they are not dictating.
Whenever you feel scared, or anxious or as though you want to run away and hide, take a deep breath and feel yourself within, and just ask yourself, what is the worse that could happen?