Happiness used to be something I thought was a goal, something to be reached.
My beautiful daughter Eva Rose came into the world in June 2015 and I am not really sure what happened. A whole shift happened inside of me. Like something was trying to get out that hadn’t been able to previously. And this thing, whatever it was, it was not pretty. I am not talking about this lovely mothering nature (which also did come) but here I am talking about some strange mental shift that just made me feel as though I didn’t know what was going on.
So, I just got on with it. You know the way we do. I got on with it and just expected myself to get better. To become happy at some point. Like I felt there was a destination somewhere that would be like a huge pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and BAM I would become happy like a big fluffy pink unicorn. Well, as I am sure you are thinking whilst reading this. Erm…not sure if there are gold coins at the end of the rainbow right? RIGHT. And…there are no such things as unicorns.
I believed that once I had succeeded in my business it would mean I would become amazingly happy. I began succeeding in my business, and did I become happy? What do you think?
It’s not that I wasn’t happy. I mean I was happy. Kind of. I am always very positive and enthusiastic and on the outside I am sure that the outside world couldn’t notice the difference. I just thought that there was going to be this ‘other’ happiness that would happen. And it didn’t.
I was searching for where this was going to come, I was planning my wedding and thought, RIGHT..Once I get married I will be happy. I enjoyed planning my wedding and spending lots of money that we didn’t have. I really believed that once we had got married that would be it. It would be happiness…..the day came, it was an absolutely amazing day. Every minute of it, I could go back and relive it daily. A few days after nursing my very, very bad hangover that was so bad that I still haven’t drank since (4 months later) I realized something. I still didn’t feel this ‘happiness’ that I was waiting for.
Where was it hiding?
Why couldn’t I find it?
It is so hard to catch this ‘happiness’ thing.
I just thought ‘you know what, screw it. I give up finding it’ and just went on. Kept living on and just doing. Like we do. Wondering some days when I would find it, and other days just not caring.
I began studying NLP and Coaching and keeping up with the personal development stuff I do. One day during my NLP course it was as though a fucking great big wet smelly fish slapped me across the face, looked at me and said ‘WHAT ARE YOU WAITNG FOR REBECCA? WHY ARE YOU WAITING TO BE HAPPY? WHY CAN YOU JUST BE HAPPY NOW?’
And there it was. Not so much of this rainbow with pretty unicorns dancing and prancing around but it was as though It was there the whole time and I just somehow missed it. How did I miss this? I mean, this felt like one hell of a big fish.
So how did I miss it? My focus, my focus was completely in the future, and when I just made that simple shift into the here and now I was happy. I can be happy. I can be as happy as I care to be, because I am happy with what I have right now. I focus on where I am grateful. What I have now. What I love, who I am. Why I am. I have a beating heart and for that I feel gratitude.
Happiness is not a destination, it is something we have to encompass ourselves in daily, it is gratitude & gratefulness of what we already have, what we are, who we are being. Living in now. Believe in your heart, don’t depend on your mind. Don’t spend your time and use up all your energy searching for something you already have.
Focus on here and now
Place your hands on your heart and breath deep into your heart.
Keep breathing deep
Feel the power of your heart
Feel the strength of your heart
Ask yourself “What am I grateful for that my heart has lead me to do?”
You didn’t have to work for your heart, you were given your heart. It is a gift.
Think of how grateful you are for your heart
Think of an event in your life, a moment of magic, that you really feel grateful for
Step into this moment and see what you saw, hear what you heard, feel how you felt, breath how you breathed.
What can you smell?
What can you see?
What can you hear?
What was the look in your eyes?
How did you smile?
Really step into that moment and let it take over you
Breath deep in your heart and really feel how powerful your heart is.