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How does NLP help in your relationships—with yourself, with others, with your partner your sister, brother and also with your clients?
The 5 ways that we’ll be talking about are also part of the content that we train in our NLP Practitioner Course. If you wanna find out more about the full NLP and breakthrough coaching course, you can check it out here.
Respect for the other person’s model of the world. This is one of the preset positions of NLP. What does preset positions mean? Preset positions are basically the mindsets of NLP, and it basically are the assumptions and beliefs that we learn NLP and we use in our lives, in our business, in our coaching. It’s the assumptions and beliefs that we have around NLP. There are few of these but I just pulled out one of them and would love to chat about how this mindset and how having this mindset can really support you in a relationship.
The preset position is respect for the other person’s model of the world. What does this mean?To start with, let’s define “model of the world”. Within NLP, we talk about each individual having a different model of the world. We all grow up, we have different values, we have different beliefs, and this is something that we talk about in the Change your mind, change your life training series.
Now, our model of the world is built up upon how we live, our parents, our siblings, the things that we see in the TV, everything. Our model of the world is formed and begins to form usually at an early age. When we are in this phase of our lives, we’re like a sponge, we soak up everything around us. We soak up the beliefs of our parents, of our teachers, of our caregivers, of our siblings, of the things that we watch on TV, and this is where our model of the world is formed. We also pick up on the decisions that we make and the decisions that we see other people make and this creates our view of the world. Because of this, we all have a different experience of the world and a different model of the world. By understanding that each of us has a different model of the world, we can understand and respect that other people also have a different view of the world a different model of their world.
This really helps in relationships because not only relationships with our clients, or our partners or our teachers or the people that we work with, whoever. This will help us understand that everybody sees things differently, and everybody experiences things differently. So, when we act in certain ways, it’s based on our model of the world, and by respecting that each of us has a different model of the world, we can respect and understand that different people are going to have different beliefs, are going to have different assumptions, are going to have different behaviors, are going to like different things, are going to enjoy different things.
Understanding Preferred Representational Systems. What does this mean? It means that each individual has a different way of communicating, a different way that they prefer to be communicated to. This can be in a method of visual, in sound, in kinesthetics or the way that we feel. Some people prefer to see things, other people prefer to hear things, other people prefer to feel things. By understanding other people’s preferred representational systems, we can then really understand how to communicate with people in the way that they prefer to be communicated to. This also helps with ourselves as well. When we understand this about ourselves, we can then understand how to motivate ourselves, how to push ourselves forward, how to be kind to ourselves, and how to communicate with ourselves to get the results that we want in our lives, in our business, in our relationships, and with ourselves
You see people saying “Be kind to yourself.” This really helps you to be kind to yourself the way you wanted to be communicated to.
Empowerment and taking personal responsibility. In our NLP Training, we also talk about the cause and effect. The cause and effect and the concept around this is that we can either be a cause of our lives or the effect of other people in our lives, and this is really helpful in relationships as well. When we understand that someone else doesn’t make you feel a certain way, it’s time for you to feel that certain way and communicate effectively with that person so that they understand how you’d like to feel. Now, in this example, you are a cause.
If you’re in a relationship and you may be not happy. You put blame on them. So they’re the reason you’re not happy because they’re doing this and that. Now, the chances are, they have no idea that you’re experiencing that if you don’t communicate to them effectively.
So, we can be a cause for our feelings and the way that we feel and the way that we show up, and we can be a cause for communicating that to our partners as well.
We all have different strategies that we run in terms of the way that we feel loved, and how we feel wanted. If you know you’re very visual person, and you know that for you to feel loved, you have to see that you feel loved. For example, buying you flowers and giving you a gift — seeing the gift makes you feel loved. When you understand that about yourself , which is what I teach between the NLP Training, you can communicate that to your partner so that they know that that’s gonna support you to feel loved.
Building Rapport. Within the NLP Training, I teach you how to build rapport with individuals—with your clients, with your partners, with your children. Rapport is really being in an unconscious dance with somebody.
If you are in rapport with somebody, you are like them—you have things in common whether that’s actual things like liking the same things or whether that’s moving in the same way and habits, and it all happens very unconsciously. You like people who are like you. Within the NLP Training, we teach you how to understand how to build rapport with people and why it is so important as well—why it’s important to build rapport with build, to build connections and relationships with people at the conscious and the unconscious level.
Communication. When it comes to communication, really understanding and knowing that you’re not mind reading what people are saying with their the communication and actually taking the words from the sentences that they are using.
Really understanding how to communicate with people and take the words that they use in their sentence rather than making something up in your head and giving your own meaning to the sentence. what you made up in your head isn’t what usually is said.
In our NLP Training, we use the example of a cat lying under the sun, and that the cat is lazy. Are we mind reading that or could that be a presuppose? A cat is lying under the sun but does that mean that he’s lazy? No, and that’s mind reading.
It’s a stuff that is so simple but is so powerful that when you understand it and apply it in your life and in your relationships, it makes so much difference.
